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Unauthorized Tales from the Soliesverse — LiveJournal [Authorized Solies] [Authorized Blinky] [Authorized Lena] [Authorized Lanna] [Authorized QAGoddess] Below are the 10 most recent journal entries recorded in the "Stories from the Solies Universe" journal:

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September 18th, 2019
02:57 pm
[mdyesowitch]

[Link]

But where has all the rum gone? Pt. 3
Emma I need this list of products from my old laptop installed on my new laptop.
IT Can you provide a business justification in the following form.
Emma authors...
Dear Esteemed Colleagues, rulers of the software domain, masters of the licensing, and exchequers of the budget,
And afterward,
I request and require the following software licenses in order to perform the primary functions associated with my job. Without them, I will certainly fail to accomplish the things for which I would typically draw a paycheque. Attached you will find, in addition to the names of the software items I require, the names of everyone at the company with the power to direct my activities who will certify that this software is required for me. There is no additional purchase required to the company. This software has already been purchased and authorized for me, it merely requires a reinstall to my new machine.

Yours respectfully, etc.
Your dutifully and compliant Emma

IT: Hey! Did you know you already had a license for this software?
Emma: You don't say...?
IT: Yeah, we changed the installation procedure you can log in using the corporate account and download it yourself.
Emma: So why did you need the...oh nevermind. Thank you. I'm delighted.
IT: Don't forget to fill out our user satisfaction survey.
Emma: You might wish to rethink that request.

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September 17th, 2019
09:33 am
[mdyesowitch]

[Link]

But where has all the rum gone? Pt. 2
Emma checks the tracking number and sees that the computer has been delivered.
Emma: It's been two hours. Are you ready?
JT: Oh, yeah, you. You're back.
Emma: As promised.
JT: Well, I forgot all about that. Talk to the intern. He'll fix you up.
Emma: Thank you!
...
Emma: Good morning, intern. JT promised you'd help me.
Intern: Oh, that's lovely. Who are you?
Emma: emma@emmaline.tkw
Intern: Oh, right. Let me just check and see if that is in the storeroom....
Yeah, I have that. I'll bring it over later. What connectors do you have available on your monitors?
Emma: The computer doesn't report that information.
Intern Try looking at the monitors and seeing what ports are not in use.
Emma: They're all in use. But clearly two of them are not connected to anything even though they have cables plugged into them.
Intern: Right. I'll just bring all the things and figure it out when I get there.

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September 13th, 2019
10:24 am
[mdyesowitch]

[Link]

But where has all the rum gone? Pt. 1
Automated Message from IT Your new machine has arrived. This service ticket is closed.
...
Emma: Where's my new machine?
JT, the IT guy: You have to come pick it up. We're located in a disused warehouse, up a set of stairs, first left turn, then second start to the right and straight on 'till morning.
....later...
Emma: Is it possible this building was designed by a high-functioning sociopath.
JT I question the "high-functioning" qualification.
Emma: So where's my machine?
JT: Should be here. Opens a magic door concealing sunbeans and rainbows But...I'm not seeing it. Are you sure it arrived.
Emma: I got a notice saying they were closing the ticket. I assumed that means that IT was done with me and I should get my machine. Otherwise, why would I be satisfied, as the ticket suggests I should be?
JT: Uh oh. Let me see that mail....hrm...did you click on this tracking number.
Emma: Um, no.
JT: Well, good news/bad news. The bad news is the machine isn't here yet. It arrives this afternoon though, probably around 2:30. Tell you what, let me have it delivered to you.
Emma: Actually delivered or are you just saying that appease me so I'll go away.
JT: I'm not sure it matters as long as you go away.
Emma: You know I'll be back.
JT: yes, I've learned that about you.

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June 5th, 2018
01:35 pm
[mdyesowitch]

[Link]

Everyone is a little on Edge
Maz: We have a problem on IE.
QE Diva: It's really a problem on multiple browsers.
Maz: I'm not seeing it anywhere else, unless maybe it's on Edge.
Emma: We're all a little on edge.
NRECW: That really was an unfortunate choice for a browser name, wasn't it?

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February 28th, 2018
01:15 pm
[mdyesowitch]

[Link]

JohnnyB: But why would anyone use that?
NRECW: God knows.
JohnnyB: But just because we can build something, doesn't mean we should build it.
NRECW: But once we do build it, QA will insist on testing it.
QE Diva: If you build it, we will run it.

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October 2nd, 2017
07:16 am
[mdyesowitch]

[Link]

The Sum Total of Everything
Emma: Flying is weird. The airline prices are so arbitrary. I mean look at this. It's cheaper to fly and rent a car than just to fly.
Jumpie: That's because of bundling.
Emma: Well, I know but it's still weird to pay less for a flight and a car than it is for a flight.
Jumpie: Well, it's because with bundling you're paying less for both than you would each separately.
Emma: Yes. I would expect that. I know what bundling is. I'm just surprised that it would be less in totality for the bundle than the individual.
Jumpie: But of course you pay less for each...
Emma: No, less total. Not less for each. Like, okay, the flight by itself is 520$ including taxes and fees. Add in a rental car, and the total price, including rental car, changes to 503$ including taxes and fees for the whole package.
Jumpie: Oh. That's weird.
Emma: That's all I'm saying.

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November 8th, 2016
06:20 am
[mdyesowitch]

[Link]

The wrongest of wrongs
Emma: Hey, can you tell me how to end this sentence?
NRECW: It's wrong.
Emma: But how does it end?
NRECW: It doesn't matter how it ends. It's wrong from the beginning all the way through to its complete lack of ending. It's wrong. It's a wrong sentence.
Emma: So, you're saying I should remove it?
NRECW: If you would be so kind.

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November 4th, 2016
08:55 am
[mdyesowitch]

[Link]

Stuffed
Princess Leapling does not like Peanut Butter candy.
Emma: So in Princess Leapling's Halloween candy, there's a full-sized Reeces Peanut Butter cup stuffed with Reeces Pieces and I thought we could share it. I pulled it out and put it on the table.
Jumpie: There's a what?
Emma: A full-sized Reeces Peanut Butter cup stuffed with Reeces Pieces.
Jumpie: Something stuffed with Reeces Pieces?
Emma: Yes, a full-sized Reeces Peanut Butter cup stuffed with Reeces Pieces.
Jumpie: So a Reeces Peanut Butter cup and a what is stuffed with Reeces Pieces?
Emma: No a Reeces Peanut butter cup stuffed with Reeces Pieces.
Jumpie: I heard the Reeces Peanut Butter cup part, but what is stuffed with Reeces Pieces?
Emma: The Reeces Peanut butter cup is stuffed with Reeces Pieces.
Jumpie: Oh.
Emma: I thought you'd be interested.
Jumpie: I am rather. Where is it?
Emma: ...on the table.
...
Emma: So what did you think?
Jumpie: I wouldn't buy it, but I'm glad I tried it.
Emma: I would buy it to inflict on your parents.
Jumpie: You're all heart.

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August 12th, 2016
09:29 am
[mdyesowitch]

[Link]

Bite my shiny metal asp
Princess Leapling: Hey Mommy, I found Bender.
Emma: Which Bender.
Princess Leapling: The talking one. The one that says (whispers) "Bite my shiny, metal, atth." Am I allowed to say that?
Emma: Well, it is something that only robots say, but, you should learn to say it right. "bite my shiny metal, ass." see? You need to keep your tongue behind your teeth. You try.
Princess Leapling: Bite my shiny, metal assth
Emma: Bite my shiny, metal ass
Princess Leapling: Bite my shiny, metal asssth
Emma: We'll keep working on it.

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09:21 am
[mdyesowitch]

[Link]

Essentials
Emma: Wah, my network is slow!
IT: Suck it up, princess.
...
Emma: And the funny thing is, I felt it was an entirely reasonable answer.
Solies: Well, that seems fair.

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